I’m going on the Hoffman process in 2 months and there is a stack of pre-course work that I have started to do. The first thing is to list negative personality characteristics about myself and about my parents. I’m happy to be as open and honest as I can – and the whole process is about dealing with the negatives – so honesty is the key. But I thought it’d be helpful to get feedback from family and friends – so I sent the list of traits out with a request for them to be brutally honest. The first reply soon followed – and my colleague was indeed brutally honest. His covering mail said it was “quite horrible to write – but I imagine tougher to read”. He’s right. Whilst there is nothing in here that’s really news to me, it’s tough to read through a list of negatives from a colleague (or anyone else). It makes you realise that some of these traits are really quite apparent – as I only see this guy maybe every 3 weeks. Mrs B and I discussed it over lunch in a local restaurant and I was quite teary.
I am dreading getting Mrs B’s feedback so much. But it’s vital for the work that I get it.
Anyway, he had a list of maybe 200 traits to chose from. Here’s what he chose :
there are occasions where you’ve sounded cheesed off on conference calls
Food – not sure about an addiction, but certainly a slight obsession with food
TV – not the watching of it, more an addiction to the latest technological items
Needs permission – often felt you can’t agree to anything until you’ve obtained the relevant permission (over the entire 3 years I’ve known you)
Doesn’t seek or accept help – some of your pieces of work could be more inclusive rather than you just working in isolation and delivering an end result. You do, however, sometimes ask for help.
Verbal overkill/”broken record?” – on occasion when explaining
something you’ll speak very quickly (almost like verbal diarrhoea) as if
you’re trying to beat the listener into submission.
Show Off/Notice me – You always appear most comfortable when
you’re speaking and people are listening to you.
Extravagant – extravagant holidays, purchases, etc.
Has to have the best – thinking of having the best TV, best sound system, etc.
Needs to impress others – not sure if it’s a need to impress, but sometimes you come across as if you’re bragging.
Difficult to say ‘no’- on numerous occasions I’ve heard you say “I 100% agree with you”, but you then go on to totally disagree but without having said no.
Dominating – there’s a danger that you can dominate a conversation. Sometimes you’ll state something as if it’s fact, when it’s really opinion. Could be difficult for more junior members to challenge you.
I know best – As above
Domineering/arrogant – As above. More the domineering than
Has to have last word / Know-it-all – Danger than you come across as a
know-it-all. I can recall you being referred to as the ‘guru’
Potentially people may be more reluctant to challenge you.
Stubborn – I recall conversation between you and others where you’ve been rather stubborn about your position.
Materialist – Have the impression you’re quite materialistic
Excessive gift giver/’Love buyer’ – Examples of extravagant purchases to please others.
Trapped in a job – What I mean by this is it’s unclear where your career is going with your current role at our company.